You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
