I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
