I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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