There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
