I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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