I bet he comes in French.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
