No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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