Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
