I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
