my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
