thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
