shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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