T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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