SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize