Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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