My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
