I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
