I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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