well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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