I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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