you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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