I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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