he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
