my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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