I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
