her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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