You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
