Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
