Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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