yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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