I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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