Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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