Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
