I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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