Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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