I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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