if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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