If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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