i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
