highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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