dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you made out with another girl for some wings
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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