We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
