I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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