We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
