Im at strip club and am horny
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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