Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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