there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
