He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
