I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
