Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dignity is for republicans.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
