You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
