Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
