those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
