it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
