I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
