this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think my moral compass just broke
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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