Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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