If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
