How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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