there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize