He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
