So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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