he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My vagina is officially offended.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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