i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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