yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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