you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
