is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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