there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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