don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
