Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
