also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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