I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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