Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
