So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
