Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize