If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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