so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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