and you said cock pushups were impossible
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
