Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
did you just send me my own nude
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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