she was so not down for the gang bang
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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