...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
