Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
