Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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