My hand turned me down
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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