I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
