I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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