naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
