I hate all girls vehemently.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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