is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
