We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
