no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
