What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
