yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
