There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Randomize
