I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize