This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
