alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
