Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
