found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Please don't give away my fajitas
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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