Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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