I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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