Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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