I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize